Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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