So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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