Already got asked if we're dating
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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