Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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