Tell her she can't have a vagina
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize