Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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