Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
