I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
