I'm jealous of your bromance
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
