Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
