She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
