My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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