I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
