I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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