see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
there is glitter all over my balls
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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