I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize