i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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