I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
