forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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