how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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