i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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