It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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