soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
