and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
