Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's shark week go big or go home
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize