apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
