Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
