You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
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He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
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My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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