i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize