So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize