Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
