If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
