My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
