That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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