I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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