She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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