Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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