Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I love how my cats smell like pot.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
