I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
