a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
