Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
