If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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