you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
