Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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