her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize