the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
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Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
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Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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