Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
