So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
