just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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