So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
