I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
