Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
