Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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