A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
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In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
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Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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