please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
