Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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