god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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