dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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