when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
