God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
