I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
