i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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